I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
