if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
