Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
