I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
