I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
