eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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