i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize