Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
