I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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