My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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