After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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