Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
