Got a toothbrush?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
