my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
