I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
