The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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