Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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