He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
