living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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