You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
