Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
