You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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