Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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