the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
