You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
