i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
