You're so nebulous sometimes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
