i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
