she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
