bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
