Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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