Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
