i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
