How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
