I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
