Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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