I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
