So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
