Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
