I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This baby is an asshole
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
