It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
