I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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