She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
A bitchslap is in order.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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