M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
