I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
