I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize