Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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