He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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