they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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