...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
