My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
