WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
