Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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