Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
