Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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