Jerry, you need to find god
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my liver is dry heaving
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
