I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
