I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
