there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
