I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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